Sunday, July 11, 2010


I was thinking about cow balls today.

My friend, Sativa, discovered my fascination with Anthony Bourdain (great chef, incredible writer, totally cheeky),
so I checked out her latest piece in the NewTimes reviewing his new book Medium Raw. It sounds like a great read and I'm down to #9 on the library waiting list, so it won't be too much longer. Always a sucker for old time Phoenix stories, I stumbled upon a NewTimes piece about The Stockyards restaurant in Phoenix. It described the old days as the place to see and be seen and the even older days as an administration building for a massive cattle ranch, overseeing production of beef galore. These days they're still serving the old faves including cow balls. Crispy on the outside, spongy on the inside. One of the reviewer's guests even ordered a hot dog to go along with the cow balls, which is a great joke, but also one more thing to think about before I go back to eating meat - you never really know which part might show up. So, of course, I had to ask Shawn about the balls (as the only house member in the know - poor Sully the dog had to say good-bye to his long ago). He agreed that one could make anything crispy on the outside, but wasn't too sure about the spongy part. Not that he wanted to try them. After all that ball talk, he got a little uncomfortable and was reminded that a few days ago in the garage he somehow banged into something down there.  It hurt so much that it took his breath away so, of course, we moved to people balls. Why does it hurt so much? I can't think of a place on my body that with only somewhat minimal impact would cause so much damage. Maybe if men gave birth, they wouldn't whine so much about their balls. Maybe it's due to evolution and Mother Nature figured that extreme pain was the only message your average guy could understand in order to protect the boys for the continuation of the species. They're sort of like the administration building for the production of humans, just like at The Stockyards. Crispy on the outside, spongy on the inside.

I bet Tony has a recipe for cow balls that aren't spongy.

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