Soleri Sister Sugar Bowl Scottsdale Snow

IT SNOWED IN SCOTTSDALE!!!!! I swear. If I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I would have never believed it. Amy and I did a little touristy stuff, something new - walked across the incredible Soleri bridge and, for old time's sake, hit The Sugar Bowl, where, as we were walking in, IT STARTED TO SNOW! Nothing touristy about that. Unbelievable. It was floating down, not hail, but actual fluffy white flakes. Seriously, fluffy white flakes. People were staring. Jaws were dropped. Heads were shaking.

And two Scottsdale natives couldn't stop laughing.

Another One Bites The Dust

After two long months of living in Vegetarianland, look what Shawn had for lunch.

Moo Moo Moo...

I Got Cupped

Leave it to Amy to squeeze in something new and different. After what would pass as a full day in my suburban life, she dragged me into Zen Reflexology, a little place in my hood that I've walked by dozens of times without even noticing. We signed up for foot reflexology, hot stone massages and cupping (the place is cheap, cheap, cheap, too! - here's a coupon). Amy described a day during a trip to Vietnam when she was very sick with a fever and her guide put her on the back of his mo-ped and took her to get cupped. Fever gone. Just like that. Cupping is an ancient remedy for all that ails us. By heating the air in glasses and placing them on your back, the glass sort of sucks on, bringing toxins up and out and circulating blood to provide healing. You end up looking like this...

with lots of massive hickie-like spots, but that's just part of the fun. I had a pain in my back from twisting and picking up the turkey platter the wrong way on Christmas Day (cooking is just a bad idea all around) and thought cupping would help. The sound of the fire in the glasses, then the sound of the glasses clicking together was very cool, definitely not your typical massage. The hot stones and foot reflexology were great, as well. But the Turkey Twister pain is still there, so maybe I need to go back for another cup or two.

Movie Madness - Little Fockers

What the Fock? After about a minute with the Fockers you knew it was going to be a long two hours. But after only one, I figured that by the time they wrapped up all the loose ends about the Early Human School and the ex-lover Prudence, the job at the hotel with the pretty drug rep and all the family secrets just spilled to the urologists, the watery hole in the backyard, the dad's heart condition, Kevin's never-dying love for Pam, the twins' birthday party, the sex therapist mother-in-law, the genealogy tree, the Ferrari rental car, the son's lactose intolerance problems and the daughter's silent treatment resolution, I could be getting a lot of work done at the office. So I said good-bye to the gang, picked up my brand new cup and left.

Holla Challah

I don't cook. I especially don't cook for my mother-in-law. That would be like inviting Julia Child and Martha Stewart over and saying, "Here, open up, try this." This year, after selling the Big House where we've had Christmas dinner forever, crystal, china, candles and some Gourmet Magazine-worthy spreads, the in-laws are wintering in a motor home (still marble floors, chandeliers and flat screens galore, but much less counter space) so it was our pad or bust. Instead of stressing, I called AJ's for my food box, assigned Shana to pick-up duty, and when I opened the box Xmas morning, no stuffing. AJ's was closed. Fry's, Albertson's, Safeway were closed, too, and Circle K doesn't carry Stove Top, I checked. I explained to Shana that we wouldn't be having stuffing this year. Maybe if I was Julia or Martha or even m-i-l, I'd have a nicely stocked pantry with lots of things like stuffing mix, or maybe some two day old homemade bread perfect for stuffing recipe. But other than diced tomatoes, olive oil and vegetable broth, no such luck. She wouldn't give up. She crossed her fingers and desperately called Chompie's. Score! Stuffing! And not just any stuffing. Challah stuffing. The absolute best stuffing any of us had ever had. Yum.

Leave it to the Jews to save Christmas.

Amen

Whoa. St. Nick's pretty hip this year. Christmas Eve services at St. Barnabas were full of scientific facts and political niceties, mixed in with some loving messages about peace and patience. Even a non-believer could believe in stuff like that. There was a stunning candlelight Silent Night singing (some of us sounding better than others) and the church never looked better after having been all spruced up with an incredible new mosaic and gorgeous wave-like organ.

Peace.

Joy to the world
Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
Joy to you and me

Seasons

Seems like some seasons bring the family together more than others. During tonight's winter we gathered at the great new Seasons 52 for a fresh, healthy, oh-so-good dinner. Passed around some gifts, some a(u)nts even made it around the table on their own, sparkling diamonds, scarves galore, an inspirational book and euros, euros, euros as the toasts kept coming and the reminders that it's not just at the holidays, but each one of the 52 weeks that family is a part of you.

Birth Control Queen

I used to be the Birth Control Queen. I had a crown and everything. Back in my old social worker days, my co-workers made me a pink crown out of empty birth control pill packages

due to my client's overwhelmingly high percentage rate of tubal ligation surgeries and other long-term no more baby-making commitments. I was so proud. I figured that after two or three crack babies, maybe a lady should give it a rest. This was definitely not a policy my employers espoused, but nobody ever told me to shut up about it, so I just kept bringing it up, over and over again until I would wear them down. Think about your future. Think about the kids that you do have. How about your education? Let's talk. Pros and cons. Here's your appointment. Get in, I'll drive. Sometimes it was as easy as just presenting the options. I have tried to do the same with Shana, too, over the years, and even most of her friends. Here are the facts, girls. I started with Don't Touch Any Penises. Simple. To the point. Just Say No was thrown in there, too, among other things and eventually, after lots of yearly trips to Planned Parenthood for discussions on every possible form of protection available, I gave up as they all hit adulthood and figured I did all I could. I did my job, kept my crown. But yesterday one of our patients came in, fourteen years old, pregnant. We've watched her grow up. I can remember her back in elementary school. I think of all those times I could have said something to her or her mom. Made a little penis joke. Fulfilled my queenly duties. Looked her in the eye and said, "Hey, girlie, listen to me. I care about you. Please protect yourself."

And I'm heartbroken that I didn't.

The squeaky wheel...

gets the cup!!!! 

After numerous blogs and emails and even a last ditch, desperate comment to harkins.com, the delightful Brenda finally said - come on down. Shawn was pretty sure they would have the cops waiting for me to take me in for stalking, so he came along, too. And score! I got the cup! I didn't push my luck for any more loot, just happy as can be. Me vs. The Man! The little guy wins. Happy Harkins Hollywood ending. Thanks. From the bottom of my heart. Thanks. Begging over.

For now.

Movie Madness - Black Swan

Natalie Portman in Black Swan. Natalie Portman actually became the Black Swan in an incredible psycho-drama. Great turnout with lots of little Petite Ya Ya Swans. Dan? Dan Harkins? The year is coming to an end. Come on, from one movie lover to the next - give me a cup! The 2011 Harkins Theater Souvenir Cup.
This is it. My last chance for a free Harkins Theater 2011 Souvenir Cup. PLEASE, Dan Harkins! PLEASE. I do so much. Every week, 52 weeks a year, risking friendships, sending out emails to people that probably think - Doesn't she have anything better to do? Can't she just leave me alone? Does she have some sort of job at Harkins Theater? Or just some kind of Movie Madness mental illness? So, please, last chance, just one cup would be so great.

Don't make me beg...

Double Take

My mother-in-law checked me out today. She liked what she saw. I'm nowhere near Shakira, Shakira - my hips don't lie - of course and never will be, but I recently squeezed into some marked down, on sale for $25 bucks CAbi jeans, size 8 (which is really a size 10 in CAbi years) and have noticed people doing the double take. I have a friend that causes about 99% of heads to turn when she walks into a room, and after dropping twenty pounds, I've been noticing about a 2-3% average lately, like a guy at the gas station the other day and a lady who said something about my jacket on Saturday. Maybe I'll start wearing a bikini around town and shaking my thing like Shakira or wheel a little wagon full of lard behind me to see if I can up my percentage.

Ho Ho Ho

Tree's up. Shana's home. And, since nobody's getting gifts this year since the holiday allowance is all going toward The Shana Sullivan Excellent Seven Month European Adventure Charity Fund (well, since she never reads the blog - there are a couple of cheap little things wrapped under the tree - hair clips, gloves for snowy Spain, one votive candle),  Santa, it's your turn.

Ask and Tell All You Want

United (we?) stand

UnitedHealthcare is taking over the world. Buying up all the properties in Monopoly. As of 1-1-11, their name will be on the following insurance plans that I deal with - all over the ID cards, all over the internet, all over the telephone numbers I need to call, taking up a big, big spot in my brain:

Medicare/AARP, Pacificare, Lifeprint, Secure Horizons, APIPA, Personal Care Plus, Evercare, probably more to come.

Gives me a headache. I wonder if that's covered.

Foxy New Year's Eve

Oh, how I love sale. And, oh, how I love Fox Restaurants, too. Smokin' deals for New Year's Eve. Yum.

Fifteen Pounds

The WW lady didn't smile at me this week, but she didn't scowl, either. I gained one pound back out of the two I lost last week. She said that's good for this time of year. I'm still one down, technically. In Weight Watchers speak. The cult-like crowded house determined that showing up is half the battle. Leader threw out this statistic: WW members that quit during the holidays gain FIFTEEN pounds before they make it back at the beginning of the year. Fifteen. Yuk. New goal. Just don't quit.

Coming or Going?

There's a new rule at the Costco food place. Line up like you're at Disneyland, but without the metal chains. They used to have the individual lines like at the bank drive-thru, but sometimes you could get stuck in the wrong line, behind some crazy person that needs hot dogs, an entire pizza, fro yo, the works and just watch helplessly as the other lines move smoothly by you. Infuriating, but that, at least, I understand. Today, though, I was confused. I got in behind these three characters to get a Diet Coke. Where are they? Are they coming or going? All three, being difficult. Holding up traffic. Flaunting the absence of chains. Stepping over the line. On the crazy last Saturday before Christmas. Pick a line, people, pick a line.

Movin' on up

I hate moving. I think for the first thirteen years of our marriage, Shawn and I moved every single year. And except for one glorious summer when Shawn got out of the Navy and Uncle Sam sent over a moving company, we did it all by ourselves. Just us, a borrowed truck and any of our friends who would work for beer (back then, there wasn't a shortage). These days, I doubt I could find one person. Lately, we've had to deal with Shana and all of her paraphernalia. We've U-Hauled up and down the I-10 five times so far. Now, needing to vacate her apartment after only one semester, I was dreading it, still sort of tired from the August trip. I reserved a truck. I decided to let Shawn off the hook and made Shana promise that she would round up some strong guys to do the loading. She agreed. Then realized, after loaning out a sofa and a dining room table, all she really needed that wouldn't fit in her car was her bed. She found a friend with a truck and, along with her adorable Junior Prom date plus, surprise, surprise, her first BF, they showed up with a mattress, box springs, headboard, mirror, two nightstands and lots of fun catch-up stories about how they've all been doing while I was warm and pain-free in my house. I loaded them up with cash and chocolate and waved as they drove off. Probably to buy some beer.

Takes Two To Tango

Can't we all just get along? Look...B and B, actually touching. Passing bills. Speaking to one another. Pissing off everybody along the way. Good for them. Now on to Don't Ask Don't Tell, the DREAM Act, the START Treaty - all in just a couple of days. Just think of what could happen if they worked like this all the time.

Jazzy

What do you do when you've got two jazzy birthday Divas that can't sit still? Meet the gang at Bobby's for some wine, women, song, a couple of funny hats,

some Mad Housewife hooch, a cute, non-bathing suited Dr. Murray even showed up along with bday chicks Ronnie and Cathy, surrounded by DD Leslie, pink-coated Jilly-B and the ever-so-funny, Jaye, for a cold, wintery toast followed by a walk through the tinsel-towned Kierland Main Street. Happy, happy.

Oh Fudge

I'm afraid to ask, but how many Weight Watchers PointsPlus are in fudge? Maybe two pieces. Two and a half? Probably a thousand. I worked really hard last week to lose a couple of pounds, to stick with the plan, to prepare for this week, give myself a little cushion for the parties, the happy hours, the book club, the shopping with friends, the corn dogs at the mall food court, the fudge. My God, the fudge. So stepped on the scale this am and was right back up, all that effort gone. Now all I have to look forward to is the look on the WW lady's face Saturday morning. Will she scowl at me? Or smile? No more fudge, bring on the oranges. Smile at me, lady, smile.

and now for the weather...

There's something wrong with 80 degrees in December. It's fun for a day or so, especially when the rest of the country is getting pounded by snow. Talked to NY sis yesterday and she was "working from home" all day. Ten degrees in New York, who could blame her. So today - low 60s, cloudy, maybe some rain. No more flip flops, sweater weather here we come,

now, back to you Bob...

Book Club - One Touch of Scandal

Little Baby Jesus.

Cecily must have been cold up there running the Grand Canyon and picked One Touch of Scandal to give us all a little heat. Throw in Little Baby Jesus, a cookie exchange, a white elephant gift, a holiday poem and you've got December Book Club as the gang gathered in her stunning home, all wrapped and tied up with a big red bow, full of sweet treats, sipping Champagne through fancy candy cane straws, passing and trading and hiding the crazy gifts, collecting all of the homemade goodies to pack on some holiday pounds and watching Little Baby Jesus weave in and out of our hands, giving us a chance to say thanks, say glad you're back, say it's been a tough year, but it would have been worse without the book club, say you fit in no matter what, say we're lucky, lucky, lucky to make our own family, to have this history nobody can take away, nobody new can come in, nobody else can understand, say you fill up my life, you fill in the dash. Ho Ho Ho.

A few poems from the Divas...

What do a Priest and a Christmas tree have in common?
The balls are for decoration only!

Tis the season for holiday blessings
Can't zip my pants after all of that dressing
I filled my stockings with fudge packed thighs
Consumed in full after I got high
No date no man
No internet tease
Alone in bed
Only dildo to please
Blessed with friends that I hold dear
Better off than Santa
Who only comes once a year

I don’t need no fancy clothes

‘Cause I got friends with style

I don’t need to feel too sad

‘Cause my friends make me smile

I don’t need to think too much

‘Cause my friends are so wise

I don’t need to come in first

‘Cause my friends are my prize

I don’t need no fancy toys

‘Cause I got friends who share

 I don’t need to feel afraid

‘Cause I got friends who care

 But I do need Christmas cheer

And I know where it’s hiding

 Here with soul mate sister friends

To you I give great tidings!

 

 

There was a young Lass from the Valley

With husbands to many to tally

She'd wed 'em and bed 'em

Until she could shed 'em

And bid them adieu in the alley

There once was a Christmas Diva
Who looked like the Queen of Sheba
Her life was quite snappy
And she was so happy
Til that fateful day
When the king took her away
And now she feels really crappy

If I were 'ol Santa, you know what I'd do
I'd dump all the silly gifts given to you
And deliver some things just inside your front door
Things you have lost, but treasured before
I'd give you back all your maidenly vigor
And to go along with it, a neat tiny figure
Then restore the old color that once graced your hair
Before rinses and bleaches took residence there
I'd bring back the shape with which you were gifted
So things now suspended need not be uplifted
I'd draw in your tummy and smooth all the cracks
Til you'd be a dream in those tight fitting slacks
I'd remove all your wrinkles and leave only one chin
So you wouldn't spend hours rubbing grease on your skin
You'd never have flashes or queer dizzy spells
And you wouldn't hear noises like ringing of bells
No sore feet and no corns on your toes
No searching for spectacles tight on your nose
Not a shot would you take in the you arm, hip or fanny
From a doctor who thinks you're a nervous old granny
You'd never have headaches, no pills would you take
No heating pad needed since muscles won't ache
Yes, if I were Santa, you'd never look stupid
You'd be one cute chick with the romance of Cupid
I'd give you a lift when the wolves start to whistle
The joys of your heart would be light as a thistle
But alas! I'm not Santa. I'm simply just me
The matronest of matrons you ever did see
I wish I could tell all the symptoms I've got
But I'm due at my doctor's for an estrogen shot.
Even though we've grown older this wish is sincere
Merry Christmas to you and a Happy New Year

Why did the snowman have a smile on his face?
Because the snowblower was coming down the block.


(in progress)
I sit and think of Christmas past
The long and short shadows cast
Of wishes granted but mostly dashed
A
The small treasures I've amassed
blast
fast
last
vast

Hold on to the good

Merry ?? Christmas

Merry    F#@&* n’   Christmas

And Kumba f#@&*n’ ya

Keep your saints and Angels

And your Hallelujahs’

Enough of phony photos

Of Happy family travels

We’re all baking cookies

While the crazy world unravels

Unemployment, deficits…

Afganistan, Korea

Politicians’ verbal crap

And Haiti’s diarrhea

No Matter how hard Santa tries

To be the guy that pleases

Don’t be fooled – BAD tidings rule

God save us Baby Jesus!

 

 

Veronica y Pilar

Shana has a new mommy, Pilar. And a new sister, Veronica. There they are. They live in Alcala, Spain. Along with new daddy, Jesus. They will be taking care of her. Feeding her. Spending all of that time with her, while I'm here in the desert, kidless. Too much to take. Booked flight today. 2/2/11 - Phx to Madrid.

Red Light, Green Light

I'm not very festive. I've never really understood the whole Christmas thing. So, there was a Jewish guy that was killed, then came back to life - voila! - in order to forgive all our sins, so we need to string up lights, chop down trees and max out the Visa card in order to celebrate his birthday (which really wasn't on 12/25). Right? Lately the pressure in my neighborhood has become so great, the decorations just keep getting bigger and bigger that I gave in and bought some party lights at Home Depot. I put one red and one green in the front and the same on the side. That looked stupid. Too Dr. Seuss. So I went all red in the front and all green on the side. Now the front looks like a brothel. Sort of seedy. Sort of cranky house on the street. Perfect.

Bah Humbug.

Small, Beautifully Moving Parts

Great film-to-be, Small, Beautifully Moving Parts is getting close to completion! Producers, writers and directors, Annie and Lisa, are amazing. They work hard. They are funny and smart and clever and so incredibly talented. And they need some cash to finish up. Hitting it big gets pricey. So, watch what they've got so far, pass it on, give what you can...

Dirty Little Secrets

I don't want anybody to know all of my secrets, but when wars could be prevented, lives could be saved, maybe a little Wiki Wiki "he said, she said" isn't such a bad idea.

Here, read this...
Michael Moore

Rollin' rollin' rollin'

Rolled over to 150,000 thousand miles today. Those Japanese can sure build 'em. Yeah, it rattles, it squeaks, my trunk light has some kind of short in it, but a job well done. Now crossing my fingers for a few more miles.

Pinkies up, Ladies!

Met the lovely ladies for an English Holiday Tea at the adorable English Rose Tea Room in Carefree.

Scones, jam, all sorts of teas, cucumber sandwiches and lots of laughs, lots of hats, lots of well, we finally made it through this year, hope the next ones just keep getting better and better.

Sealed With A Kiss

Shawn, The Man, Babycakes, Sailor Boy, WZUPDC, Speed Racer is having a happy, happy, happy birthday today.

MMMmmmwwwwwwaaaaaaa!

Toasted

Snuggled on the cozy leather sofas, toasty by the fire at great winter-in-the-desert place Camelback Inn for a little (too much) tequila, some red rabbit balls, some carnival worker age guessing, some boyfriend of Christmas past right next to boyfriend of Christmas present, guy named Dooley, the did she just wink at me and where's the doghouse couple of hours out on the town.

Soleri Bridge - Opens Today

The bridge is done! Shawn and I peeked in through the fence before din din on Monday and it looks incredible, especially with a pink and purple sunset behind it. It's nice to live near Paolo Soleri, his amazing mind and his bells and maybe someday even his ultimate way of life will come to fruition. For now, there's a Celebration and official dedication of his bridge down at The Waterfront. Activities Friday, Saturday and Sunday, but looks like Saturday at noon is the historic moment.

Movie Madness - The Tourist

Call Amex and gather up your frequent flyer miles - we're going on a little trip and, for a post-birthday Movie Madness treat, even this guy is coming (eat your heart out, Johnny),

my all-time favorite travel companion, well, Shana's tons of fun, too - there they are on top of the Eiffel Tower. What are you doing, Dan Harkins? Want to come, too? And maybe, please, please, please bring me a nice, new Harkins 2011 Souvenir Cup, maybe one for my birthday boy, Shawn, too (remember, he just loves popcorn, so a t-shirt would be great as well).

Update - Dan never showed up. Maybe I should stop begging, stalking, wishful thinking-ing. Even Johnny Darling looked a little weird. But at least we'll always have Venice...

They say it's your birthday...

TGIF! TGFS (thank god for sue)! Big b-day party for Sue. The stories around the table were lively - talk of the old days when instead of sitting around the table, she danced on it. She's still got it, though, stuffing all of the tissue paper from the gifts you-know-where...

Happy Birthday, Sue!

Nido Vacio

Look what came in the mail today. Pass the Kleenex. Just when I thought I had the whole Empty Nest thing (nido vacio) figured out, it came around again. We're sending her off. Seven months in Europe. Go learn something for a semester in Spain, then putz around for awhile, little chick-a-dee, have fun, grow up, figure out all of the answers and, just to make sure you don't forget about your loco padres,

we'll be bringing the nest to you...

Cookie Monster

The other day during a writing workshop we were given a prompt, something to make us think of the holidays, some old-time recipe, some tidbit from our childhood, perhaps, of warm apple pie baking in the oven as we passed around a container of cinnamon. It smelled so good. I wanted to grasp some memory, but all I could come up with were the directions to Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. Boil water, add pasta, cook, drain, add 1/4 milk, 1/4 butter and then mix in the "cheese" packet. Total yummy goodness every time. So when I got the notice that book club was doing a cookie exchange this year, I stressed. I looked up an incredible Double  Chocolate Meringue Cookie recipe my sister and I had at Miraval. Low cal, one point each, sort of. Perfect for the new Weight Watchers, going to get through the holidays without gaining any pounds, goal. I bought all the stuff. Before last week I had no idea what parchment paper was. Or cream of tartar (sounds like it goes with something else from my youth, fish sticks), but now I know you get it in the baking section and it's not cream, it's a powder used to help make meringue fluffy. I made the cookies. Not good. A little charred. I tried again last night. No better. Flat, too crispy. Shawn and I and one of his patients that's a baker at AJ's reviewed my plight and figured that maybe it's the chocolate chips. Maybe they are pulling down my cookies. So I tried again. It's for the book club after all, needs to be good. I did the Miraval deep breathing. It's sort of like climbing a telephone pole and jumping off. It's all in your head. Just believe. It's only a bunch of egg whites. Really, how hard can this be? So I beat the crap out of them tonight and skipped the double part of the double chocolate meringue. Better. Chewy, chocolatey enough. I did it. Shawn finished them off. Tuesday book club, no more store bought loser stuff from me. I'm a baker now.

Upcoming - Taliesin and Herberger Lunch

Frank Lloyd Wright's Taliesin has some tours of the student's homes - the Desert Shelter Tour. Looks cool.

Saturday, December 4th at 1:15

Herberger Lunch Theater

11/2 - 11/11

I'm going Wednesday, November 3

Happy Baby Yoga

A little Happy Baby yoga on a Tuesday.

Baby Yoga

Then the real thing...water-themed yoga in the Sanctuary tonight, almost pitch black except for the candles. I could see the outline of a Christmas tree and some presents and the walls of the room sort of wave, look like they are moving in the flickering light, really beautiful. Mary focused on how we are mostly water and that we need to flow more, move it around, twist and turn, shake your money maker, gonna get low, low, low, low, low, low, low, float through life moving like a ball, just roll wit' it, guru. We even partnered up at the end, "paddling" on each other's backs, then "raining" down at the end. Yoga with Mary - just dive in.

Pass The Moolah

OK, let me get this straight. You start with a balanced budget about a decade ago with taxes pretty low and unemployment low and Social Security nice and safe, then let the corporations take over with the banks and the drug companies and the insurance companies and the Haliburtons of the world posting bigger profits than ever (but for some reason they have stopped hiring people), start a couple of really, really expensive wars with a billion here and a billion there - oops - gone missing every month or so (not to mention the lives lost and the legs and arms and minds of our young troops) and watch as millions lose their jobs and their homes and their insurance and then the folks that thought up all these super great ideas win an election by promising to balance the budget, no more debt unless it's paid for, really, we promise on our tea leaves, we've got to get this under control, and oh, by the way, we're not going to even talk about anything for the next month or so like immigration or Don't Ask, Don't Tell, because we are unable to do more than one thing at a time, and that one thing is to give the rich more money. And since you won't get any Bush or Boehner of the world to hire anybody with their little quarter million gift from you and me, borrowed from China, chunk of change, we'll be left with even less than when we started. Is that right? Is that how all of this works?