Quit Clowning Around

I heard that Ronald McDonald is out. First they ban Happy Meals in San Francisco, then this. Poor clown. Something about Subway and the now thin, would never have a Quarter Pounder, Jared taking over as the number one chain. They want to revamp, focus on coffee-drinking adults, lose the germy ball pits and the primary colors. Here's the crappy Mickie D's I drive by every day, set for

total destruction in a couple of months, rising into a new muted, not so loud inside, mauve-y taupe. I remember the day I got my first pair of glasses, staring out the passenger side window with my Dorothy Hamill haircut and thick purple plastic frames, in awe as I looked up at the bright yellow golden arches and could see "over one million served" for the first time. I remember in high school figuring out with friends that if you asked for something special order, they would make it right then. I remember my first "chicken" McNugget, fries soaked in beef grease, my first vegetarian friend ordering a Big Mac without the meat (thought of her last week at a baseball game, when I got a hot dog without the hot dog). There's my friend with "regularity" problems that goes through the drive-thru to get a cheeseburger and twenty minutes later, like clockwork, problem solved and the always clean bathroom at the Yuma location. There was my guy friend in grad school, working behind the counter for research, learning how to switch the time stamp stickers so the stuff just sits and sits forever under the hot lamps, waiting for the next meat eating victim. Oh, the memories. Now with lasik-ed eyes I can see that even without the clown, some things at McDonald's will probably never change.

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